Changing that Inner Voice

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Criticism

Learning to Change the Way We Speak to Ourselves

What if I told you that everyone has an inner voice; a constant narrator shaping how we interpret the world, how we see ourselves, and how we assign meaning to our experiences? This voice is often driven by automatic thoughts, especially when we’re under stress. And because it operates so instinctively, we often don’t even realize how much it influences our emotions, behaviours, and sense of self-worth.

Now, imagine this inner voice on a spectrum. On one end: self-criticism. On the other: self-compassion. If you're like me, and let’s be honest, like most people, your voice probably leans toward the critical side. That means we’re more likely to blame ourselves for negative outcomes, and dismiss our successes as luck or coincidence. In other words, we’re often stingy with self-credit and generous with self-blame.

Let’s break it down with an example: Say you’ve just finished a job interview for a role you were really excited about. Naturally, you felt nervous and stumbled over a couple of questions. That inner critic might immediately jump in: “You blew it. You’re not good enough. That was a disaster.” But here’s the thing - those are normal nerves, not a failure. Your brain is catastrophizing and turning a perfectly human reaction into a character flaw. This critical perspective can leave you feeling anxious, ashamed, and less confident moving forward.

In reality, we’re often much harder on ourselves than others are. While you're obsessing over a less-than-perfect answer, the interviewer may have seen your nerves as a sign that you really cared about the opportunity- something endearing, not disqualifying.

Recognizing that we’re our own toughest critics helps us understand why developing a more self-compassionate inner voice can be so powerful. It allows for a more realistic, balanced interpretation of situations - one that reduces guilt and shame and boosts our confidence and resilience.

But changing how you talk to yourself isn’t easy. That critical voice has been with you for a long time. Your brain has wired itself around those patterns through years of repetition. Shifting toward self-compassion means creating new mental habits. This process, called neuroplasticity, is the brain’s ability to rewire itself through intentional, repeated practice.

Importantly, self-compassion doesn’t mean sugar-coating things or ignoring your mistakes. It’s not about being unrealistically positive - it’s about being fair. It means recognizing that some things are out of your control, that everyone makes mistakes, and that you are deserving of kindness and understanding, just like anyone else.

In the beginning, practicing self-compassion might feel awkward, even fake. That’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s progress. Start by simply noticing when that inner critic gets loud. Then, ask yourself: If a good friend were in this situation, would I talk to them this way? What would I say to comfort or encourage them? Chances are, you’d be much gentler, and you deserve the same compassion.

If this resonates with you, you're not alone - and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself, together we can work to shift this inner dialogue. Book a free 15-minute consultation today and start building a more compassionate relationship with yourself.